I been trying to consistently blog for some time now. My test in consistency, I have yet to pass but I’m back at it and I’m writing everyday now. The urge that got me to start writing again was that feeling of being alone. I have physically place myself miles away from my comfort zone but I have always been a person who rarely had friends. It’s just me and the kids where I’m at now, but when the last child falls asleep at night it’s just me. I don’t know what it is about Mr.Alone, yes I have made the idea a person. Everyone has there conception about being alone. They say things like “you can’t be with someone else until you know how to be with yourself”. I agree with that to some intent, that intent is, don’t always hope that someone would do something for you that you don’t do for yourself first.
At one point I felt like I was always alone. When situations arise whether it had to do with the children, work, relationships or family, I thought I was alone. In my head I would think, does anybody else goes through this? Being a single mom didn’t make it any better because I’m already doing everything myself and then when something comes from out of left field it’s like who can you talk too. As a single mom we don’t intentionally want to seem like we can do everything, it’s just that we get caught up with doing so much that when something do happen out our wills, we still want to be perceive as we still got it together. Well that’s how I always felt.
So it goes with out saying, I’m a firm believer in Jesus. I live, I move and breathe through him. My faith, my hope and my trust is in Him. I can’t do nothing about the fact that Im so far away from family but what I did start doing was trusting in the Lord. See I wanted to stop my headaches, I wanted to stop the overthinking, I wanted to stop the worrying and the controlling of circumstances and situations. I know that through people I can’t rely on. Not saying there aren’t any reliable people but we have to understand that people are bound to make mistakes no matter what and that alliance need to be there. So a higher source I went too, the one who created me because believe it or not, I’m not from the monkey species, I’m way pass that. When things begin to happen to me and decision I have to make, to my bible and to the Lord I go. I take my deep breaths and say “whatever has come my way, I must already know to deal because YOU won’t give me more then I can bare”. I used to think I was alone and there no way of my hum drum single mom life. I deal with everything myself. I have a support systems miles away but God is just a phone call away. So now I write because life going to send situations everyday but I’m becoming a different woman and mom. A CONFIDENT MOM to be exact. Confident enough that God got me and whatever cones my way can be overcomed. I STOP take a deep breath, REEVALUATE my situation and LIVE knowing that I can’t change everything.
CONFIDENT MOM Wanda